Most of us have felt like our trust has been compromised at some point in our lives. These experiences can be very painful and perhaps we’re still scared to trust again. We think to ourselves, “How do I know I can trust them? “Who can I ever trust again?”
I had to learn to trust again. So many times I put my trust in someone and often I would be disappointed or hurt by that person.
I always give people the benefit of the doubt however the more chances I gave them, the more their actions and words would hurt and the more disheartened I would feel. I had to scrape myself off the floor each time, dust off the disappointment and move forward.
I would ask myself the question, am I being silly, is it me? I would hold off on trusting until I knew it was safe again.
And this is the problem. Because there are never any guarantees.
Asking someone to “earn our trust” often means we are asking them not to make mistakes and not to cause us to feel uncomfortable feelings. And this is an impossible task for human beings.
With each of these experiences it made me stronger and taught me a different lesson.
The most valuable lessons I learned were that I was able to lovingly transmute feelings of abandonment, hurt, anger and disappointment into powerful, loving energies which boosted my self confidence and allowed me to let go and open space for more meaningful friendships and relationships.
Trust comes from a deep realisation of truth, honesty and reliability. It is what allows you to feel safe so that you can be vulnerable enough to emotionally connect with another person.
We’ve all felt like this, one way or another – however trust is not about finding that perfect person who will never hurt, abandon or disappoint you – it’s about finding a way how to work through these emotions when it arises.
I’ve been contemplating what’s my best toolkit for a world where trust is something hard to find these days.
Here are my views:
Trust yourself – always go with your gut feeling and use your intuition to guide you. I understand that sometimes you feel scared, angry or hurt. I’ve been there, too. But I want you to know that no matter what, you are going to be OK if you follow your inner guidance system. By trusting yourself you’ll feel empowered to open the door to trust others.
Keeping the faith – recognise that trust isn’t about never feeling another negative emotion again, but it’s about knowing that you can handle anything that comes your way. This is real trust, it’s the faith you place in yourself and the universe to overcome, learn and grow and to be supported in every way no matter what happens.
Forgiveness – An important part of the forgiveness process is forgiving yourself. Self-forgiveness requires self-compassion and even with your flaws and vulnerabilities, you still deserve to be treated well. It is important to know that the behaviour of the other person was his or her choice and reflects who they are, not who you are. Take control of your emotional well-being by finding your inner peace with the situation. Seeing someone else’s perspective can also help you understand the events that occurred and make them less personal and perhaps easier to forgive.
Communicate – Telling someone how you feel about their actions or words might help them to think about how they can change their ways. It’s not always easy to talk about something that’s hurt you or angered you however communication is necessary to maintain a connection between two people. Face to face communication is key to having meaningful relationships. The more you practice talking about difficult things the more improvement in communication and connection in every relationship.
Trust is the foundation of all relationships and relationships are vital to our well-being and quality of life.
Without the negative experiences we won’t be able to know what’s good.
With love and light,